I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
