I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Randomize
