I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
