This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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