I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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