can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
