in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
