I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
