I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
How's work?
Spinning.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
