I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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