I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
