I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
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