just tell him i said nine months
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Randomize
