i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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