She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
There r osticjed everywhere
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
