Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
