When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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