Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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