just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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