dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
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