Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
