Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
