Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize