The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
