All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
