this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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