glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
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