I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Randomize
