Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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