I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
