It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
