During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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