im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
