ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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