Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Randomize
