The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
