Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
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