living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
