got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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