i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
