maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
