he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
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