When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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