Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize