so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
