On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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