Already got asked if we're dating
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
