Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
