my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
