I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
