my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
