i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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