dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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