Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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