so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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