I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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