I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
