Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
