i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
