I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
