dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
