If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
