U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
And then he peed in my hair
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