Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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