I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Randomize
