I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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