Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I need to stop coming to work sober
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
