Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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