I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
