Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
