i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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