ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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