You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
