should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
