I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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