Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
