Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
