Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
