i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
