I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
