ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
