Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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