my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
