a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
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