I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
i already hear my dad disowning me
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Randomize
